Who Knew a Chinese App Could Deliver So Much Joy? And It's Not TikTok
Take off your shoes and stay a minute, will you?
I’m sorry to leave you hanging with a mildly optimistic New Year’s post. I wanted to share a sign of life out here in Iowa, where I’m feeling like I’m aging like an avocado (seemingly overnight) as I’m spared yet another California wildfire.
I’m feeling incredible grief and anger that I try not to unload here. Writing is typically therapeutic for me, but I’m now convinced I need a therapist.
As I watch our incoming president’s reaction to California, and his disrespect of America in general,just know, in your time of need, I will neither mock you nor wish you dead.
So yeah. I’m feeling a lot, mostly wishing I never moved to Iowa. The level of hate and willful ignorance here makes me feel like, ok. I fucked up. My daughter recognized it early and left the state in 2017 to never return. Iowa was not “Iowa Nice” to her.
Fletcher on the other hand is doing well in school and has a lot of friends. He might stay in Iowa, because one set of his grandparents are from here, and they are super cool people that happen to live on the family’s century farm in Humbold County. Farmer Brown is progressive and has photos with presidents to prove it. He likes his guns but he loves people more. So not all rural parts of the state are bad. I have historically have made bad decisions because I first see the best in everyone and every thing. But Iowa, you have finally broken me.
Los Angeles
It was just last summer I was doing some white-knuckle driving through Los Angeles, gripping the wheel while assuring my disappointed son, “Don’t worry, dude, we’ll stop next time.” I was attempting to blast through like I was outrunning a crime scene, heading straight for my parents in San Diego, but a fire had made finding my way home a maze of detours and roadblocks.
It was a terrifying part of an otherwise lovely drive down the coast from San Francisco. Fire aside, the experience wasn’t all bad. The detour led us to a suburb of modest homes where everyone owned horses. Stables in the city! It was fascinating, but fleeting. My brain kept telling me Fire! Keep moving! We spotted another “Fletcher” road sign, which we made a game of on our three-week road trip, so that was another small victory. As we navigated traffic, we snapped exactly two pictures and pressed on.
Cedar Fire
I’ve grown up with wildfire long before Facebook existed. The news of them still wrecks me. Tornados are awful too, but the destruction is fast as is the recovery. Fires can burn for days, weeks, or months, and the suffering is prolonged. The upcoming mudslides are horrifying too, but at least those come with forewarning and generally avoided. I always think of February as the rainiest month in Southern California because it typically rains A LOT on and around my birthday.
During Cedar Fire, I was a single mom living in my parents’ house when it devoured part of our neighborhood. It felt biblical, 280,000 acres burned. There were no evacuation texts, no apps or a reverse 911 system buzzing warnings. It predated Facebook, so we didn’t have social media like we do now. I mean, I was young enough to be on MySpace, but it wasn’t on our phones. And unless you had electricity and a wi-fi connection, or Tom was your neighbor, it was pretty useless. As the fire approached the residences, it was because people woke up to fire and went door-to-door to warn each other. By the time it reached Tierrasanta, where I lived, patrol cars were roving the cul-de-sacs announcing evacuation orders over speaker.
Back then, I worked at Starbucks in La Jolla, straight west of my home about 10 miles. As I departed for my opening shift before sunrise I was mildly concerned about the ash on the ground, but the actual fire was so far away But by 9 a.m., we were ordered to close shop at the shore.
The drive along a wall of fire on the 52 is something I’ll never forget. I had no way to call home. I was thankful of the lanes that protected me from the flames, but was terrified as exits were closing. I imagined finding my child and parents dead in a way to mentally prepare myself and made a decision to go with them if that was the case.
Even now, every time I am on the 52 freeway during my visits back to California, I’m hit with the memory of that drive into flames and fear.
We had no choice to evacuate right away, and I could write a book on how important it is to have a “go bag,” cash, and gas in the tank. After we evacuated to a friend’s Mission Bay home, the only source of comfort was our landline. Every time the answering machine picked up gave us hope of something to go home to. That was the bar for good news.
HOW TO HELP VICTIMS OF CALIFORNIA WILDFIRES
What’s Bringing Me Joy
I was never a TikTok user, but for many people, it is. And for many its how they support their small business and make a livelihood.
Let’s be real. The TikTok ban was ever about security. If it were, we’d be talking more about the 380,000 acres of U.S. farmland owned by Chinese entities or the fact that every other item in your house - including your smart devices - was made in China. We export billions in soybeans to China, invest our retirement funds in their companies, and swipe through Temu and Shein deals like raccoons digging through a dumpster.
I don’t love TikTok, but I believe in the freedom of expression, unless its use as a weapon or creates danger. When whispers of a TikTok ban grew louder, I did what any parent with an average amount of anxiety and an above-average need to "stay in the know" does: I interrogated my children.
RedNote
My daughter, 25, has such a minimal social media footprint that people have actually assumed she passed away. If you think the communists are strict, you should try being me posting a photo of my once 4-year-old daughter on Facebook wishing her a happy birthday. I often write about my son Fletch because he’s part of my day-to-day, but my daughter is grown, on her own, and incredibly private. This very post might trigger a call from her, but I value her opinion as she’s effortlessly tech-savvy and lives within digital platforms, as do her friends.
“I’m on Red Note now,” she said. “It’s lovely.”
Red Note? Lovely? Social media that is lovely? I’ve only ever known social media as a chaotic hurricane of memes, conspiracy theories, and unsolicited misinformation. The kind of place where hostility leads to slurs and the creation of satirical news stories over pineapple pizza and debate over a white and gold dress can break the internet. Or is it black and blue?
My daughter described Red Note - known as Xiaohongshu in China - as a happy place filled with fun videos of cats, tea culture, and overwhelming kindness. Those all sound great to me, so I joined.
As I joined, not only could I not read anything I was agreeing to, and I couldn’t shake the vague sense that the wholesomeness she described might somehow be a trap. I translated as much as I could, but the copy and paste of the rules grew tiresome. And there are A LOT of rules.
My fears felt validated when the first video I saw was a Chinese tank with a red flag atop was shown rolling down a road. It wasn’t doing anything other than existing, but the image unsettled me enough that I deleted the app immediately.
On Friday, I brought up the TikTok ban with my middle-school-aged son, Fletcher. I know his friends are deeply invested in TikTok and the digital world, so I figured he’d have an opinion.
“It’s not about security; it’s about control,” he said. “The Chinese aren’t stealing our information. We’re giving it to them. We know.”
From there, I became obsessed with understanding what young people think about TikTok, the alternatives they’re exploring, and the restrictions politicians like Trump are placing on our “freedoms.” Any young person I encountered between Creston and Des Moines was fair game. Standing in line at Starbucks, I’d ask, “Hey young person, are you on TikTok? I have a question for you.” They are all very eager to talk.
After reading dozens of articles, my belief is that apps like Red Note, Lemon8, and others are no more or less a national security threat than TikTok, Facebook and Instagram (META), SnapChat, etc. What’s worth noticing, though, is who truly benefits from this drama—companies like META and X. Hmm. And Trump claiming he’s going to “make a deal” and save TikTok? (Update: Trump is now taking credit for taking credit for saving TikTok. He broke it himself so he could become a hero. Sick. Is it all just a scheme?
I digress.
I gave Red Note another shot. This time, I stuck around long enough to discover its charm. Yes, it’s heavily censored by China’s communist government, but the past 24 hours of cross-cultural camaraderie between #TikTokRefugees and #YourChineseSpies have been profoundly uplifting.
TikTokers are making videos of themselves (at home) “moving” to Red Note, rolling up with physical suitcases, looking around in awe, with dubbed-over voices marveling, “Daaaammmmnnn. This place is nice!” Meanwhile, Chinese users are enthusiastically creating videos for their new American friends: How to brew tea, fold dumplings, navigate their hometowns, dance, do math, speak and read Mandarin, and commiserate with humor and a smile. In return, Americans are posting hilariously self-aware reminders to one another: “We’re guests here. Take off your shoes and be polite.”
Red Note was quick to adapt. On day one, Americans begged for help. “I can’t read Chinese!!” I noticed the addition of translation buttons, and more users are adding subtitles of their own to videos. When I logged in a second time, the app’s terms and conditions were translated to English, and more users are creating their own videos to help others enjoy the platform. I’ve spent hours watching two cultures clash with wild enthusiasm, bright eyes, and open hearts. It’s really, really fun and funny. And dare I say - heartwarming?
Now that there are so many American users, I was curious about the reviews:
What struck me most is how users are thinking critically, with care, and considering how to thrive within the constraints of censorship.
They aren’t just surviving; they’re innovating. Discussions about universal healthcare or government are happening among children and adults alike. And while users can’t openly criticize their governments there, they certainly doing a better-than-expected job at mocking them, drawing attention to exploitation and human rights violation. Even the LGBTQ community have found ways to hint, nudge, and wink. There are signs of solidarity all over. There’s open dialogue about mental health, such as questions about whether ADHD and depression exist in China, and mutual curiosity about how each culture manages these challenges.
It’s honestly the content I have dreamed of. If my kids are having discussion about regulating feelings, learning how to make beds with hospital corners, “math” more efficiently, while learning to eat as if they have to pay for their own healthcare, I’m here for it.
Despite China’s atrocious human rights violations, watching this live interaction on Red Note feels like a small victory for global unity. This brief cultural exchange reminds me of how deeply people crave connection. Americans needed some love, and the Chinese youth unexpectedly delivered.
I’m having much the same reaction to the LA fires as you are. Although I lived in San Diego, I was in LA a lot, and I doubt those areas will ever be the same again, at least not in my lifetime. I was evacuated from Julian (cursillo weekend) on Sunday the 26th during the Cedar fire. I lived on the coast, and we were cut off everywhere. A bunch of us finally headed north and got to the coast via Del Dios. It took almost 8 hours to get home that day. That kind of experience sticks with you.
“Don’t California my Texas” is what they say here. No one can mention California without adding the disclaimer, “I wouldn’t want to live there “ or rolling their eyes. They’ve been conditioned to state their dislike so no one mistakes them for a “woke lib.” It’s disgusting and exhausting. Watching CA burn is horrifying, and I’m sorry that we both are surrounded by ignorant jerks. They’ve proliferated and are hard to miss.
As far as TikTok, you know I love it. The hours it went black felt very isolating. Creators who I’ve followed since lockdown were suddenly removed from life. Our government hasn’t done anything to protect us against the American companies playing fast and loose with our data and filling the web with conspiratorial propaganda. TT has pulled back the curtain on a lot of harsh realities about this country. IMO, that is the problem.